so explain again why im purple
no
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
