dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
