Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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