You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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