Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
