Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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