She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
