mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
my shit smells like andre
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
