I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
