yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
