PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
