I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
