no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
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