this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
