Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
