Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
