The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
