he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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