I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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