I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
