i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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