i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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