i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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