I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
