Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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