ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We are two peas in an std pod
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
