He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
