Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
