My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Drunk is not a location!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
