ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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