No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
