he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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