So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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