just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
