there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm having to shit out rocks
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