Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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