nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
