So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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