they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
