either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
