SEEEEXXX PLEASE
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
