You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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