I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
