Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
