this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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