lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
