hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
