i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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