your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
