fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
