Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
