I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
