he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
being pregnant is like rehab
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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