Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
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