dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Everclear isn't food dammit
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
