I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
so much tequila, so little girl.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
