If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize