he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
