But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
