So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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