after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
