I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
