Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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