Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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