Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
