Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
