Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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