the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
A+ Viking dick
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
