a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
