I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
