he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
